“Faking it” has become passe in recent years, many women (and men) citing that it discourages exploration of authentic pleasure. If it becomes a routine you pull out consistently when having sex, then it will necessarily indicate something about your sexuality, or your sex life. However, sex is a production of visual, aural, and tactile sensations, and with regard to these categories, everyone is a tad manipulative.

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For example, I once dated a guy who was really into dirty talk, and generally, I like to forego chatting of any kind in bed. He was um, intensely engaged with what we were doing when he requested I say something filthy to him. My knee-jerk reaction was to sarcastically say, “Um, oh yeah, insert x-rated dialogue.” Sarcastic because I suddenly felt self-conscious and being as it was something entirely new for me, I jumped into defensive mode. I gradually became more comfortable, after uttering a few phrases, and some goading on his part, but it was mostly disingenuous in that I still thought what I was saying sounded utterly ridiculous, and I wasn’t entirely in the moment. Guess what? It did the trick.

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Even though it sounds absurd, we all make conscious efforts to “be sexy” even whilst, well, having sex. I can be really lost in the experience, but still not express it in ways obvious to my partner, and it maybe incorrectly perceived as disinterest. Many men don’t like “making noise” in bed, but it not only reassures me that he’s enjoying himself, it enriches the experience in a completely steamy way. Consequently, I “fake it” on occasion. A girl can’t come every time, and it has nothing necessarily to do with technicality, but there’s a small gut feeling that it just won’t happen. Maybe she’s in the mood, but had a bad day, or is tired and doesn’t want to devote ‘x’ number of minutes for a small release when she’d much rather be relaxing in the bath. In likelihood, it will make your partner come faster, and it’s a visual and aural treat for him.

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Be careful not to turn it into too much of a production, as not only is it cheesy, but it then becomes obvious. Be as natural as possible about it, with using the typical sort of enhancing tricks that one would normally employ (moaning, gripping at the right moment in the right places, etc.).

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I don’t think there’s anything unethical about occasionally faking an orgasm. It simply falls within the repertoire of faux-sexy things we already do in bed.

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